I've never been good at tests. I have a quick wit, but it doesn't translate well through the question bubbles. I can read a text book 14 times and not remember a thing, but that snarky FB blog? I'll remember it forever. I'd like to think I won't make the same mistake twice, but if I look back on past relationships...well, obviously not true.
I've done a couple good things in life. I had a cool kid. I eat all my vegetables.
Tests. It sort of feels like life is all about tests. My life GPA must suck because I keep having to retake the same tests. I believe in God. I don't understand God, but I believe in Him. I think he likes my family members a lot because He keeps taking them. I'd like to believe we will all be together again one day...drinking our beer of choice out of sparkling mugs made by the hands of angels and running amok; our hearts and tummies full of pure joy.
But what about now. What about real life?
Remember when happiness was a Klondike Bar? Fun Dip? Getting to lick the spoon after mom made cookies? It was all so innocent. The Life Happiness Seeker Bar (LHSB) gets a great deal more difficult as we grow older. Fun Dip turns to healthy things like alcohol and random flesh conquests; sleepless nights and medication; the constant desire for love and acceptance from others when you really only need it from yourself. It's like one big LHSB clusterfuck...and then all of a sudden, you can't remember the last time you actually were happy.
Then, if you're lucky, you have kids. Your life is all about another life now. All those tests you failed? Now you have to prepare your kid for the same tests. Every now and then you wonder why God felt you worthy of growing this little life and being completely in charge of it when you never even did a good job with your own. Maybe this is a second (or 45th) chance. Maybe, because everything you do is right and perfect in the eyes of this little one, you'll do better this time around. Remember how you stopped caring about your life such a long time ago? You know you'll never stop caring about this kids life...and that makes you feel kind of good...even kind of happy.
I guess this is another test. Shit.
